Watching and Waiting
by swamygliders
Summary: Sirius dies and Harry throws everything away and distances himself from everyone who cares about him. Only one person notices As Harry falls into a deep depression, can he get the help that Harry needs before he boy does something to hurt himself more than he already has? Warnings: Mentions of abuse and suicide. If you don't like then please skip to the next story on this site!
1. Actions

**Hello, everyone! Hope you enjoy this story, I found this on my computer a little while ago and thought it was time to post it! There are a few more chapters that go along with this so I'll probably post one a week. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the characters I only play with them! There are mentions of abuse and suicide in the story so please of that bothers you skip to the next story on this site!**

* * *

It was only a week after that awful night at the Ministry and Harry couldn't sleep one wink. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Sirius falling through the veil to the other side. So here he was sitting in an abandoned hallway in a window sill where he was sure no one would find him. It was peaceful here, and he had the perfect view of the black lake; where he had first met his godfather.

Harry drew his knees up to his chest with a sigh and wrapped his arms tightly around his legs. Burying his head in his knees, he let out a deep breath. He had already cried so much in the past few days that he had promised himself he wouldn't let any more tears fall. What did tears accomplish anyway?

Taking another deep breath, Harry held in a deep silent sob, but then the pain of everything flowed back over him and it became too much, he let a few silent tears flow down his cheek. Angered by his presumed weakness Harry clenched his fists and roughly wiped away the tears from his cheeks.

He had not only lost one person he loved that day he had lost much. Remus, Hermione, all the Weasley's, Dumbledore and even Neville. It was his fault after all. Sirius's death had taught him a very valuable lesson; anyone he was close to was going to die. So he distanced himself from everyone he cared about even if it had hurt him to do so.

Remus, was too wrapped up in his own grief so he hadn't really noticed hid withdrawal, or as Harry told himself hadn't really cared. He was the reason for his grief in the first place so why would he care? Dumbledore, he was sure was still mad at him for destroying his office so that didn't really take any effort to distance himself. The Weasley's had been a little more difficult. He had assured them he was fine, and then had cut off communication with them, not responding to any of the elders owls or calls and then finally today they had stopped trying.

Ron, Hermione, and Ginny were even harder to shake, since they were still here at Hogwarts. Today, he was convinced he had finally shaken them off his case with words he had never thought he would ever utter. He had screamed at Hermione and called her a mudblood in the hallway and then stomped off. From shock or anger he didn't know, but they didn't follow him, and he had been there ever since. A testament that they hadn't looked for him.

He felt disgusted with himself for causing so much pain, but it had to be done...for their safety. He didn't want anyone else to get hurt because of him, and he couldn't think of any other way to protect them. After all, hadn't Umbridge told him that he deserved to be punished? Maybe this was the way things were supposed to be; with him alone.

Harry leaned against the window with his knees still drawn to his chest, but he removed his arms from hugging his knees. He pulled his right hand over and examined the scar on the back of it with the still clear words. "I will not break rules."

With his left hand, he gently traced the raised scars, and sadly he thought that he had broken one too many. If he had just stayed put in the castle, then Sirius would still be alive and he would have his friends. However, how was he supposed to know that the vision was fake? How was he supposed to know it was all part of Voldemort's plan?

He should have been smarter and studied harder at Occlumency that's how. Like the Dursley's always said, he was as dumb as a rock. He was only a good for nothing freak.

Harry closed his eyes again and absently stroked a finger over his other hand. This one said. "I must not tell lies".

Opening his eyes, Harry looked at the still angry scar on his hand and sighed. Maybe Umbridge was right with all her lessons. She had said that for him to learn something it had to be marked into his skin.

That's what his uncle had always thought as well. He had plenty of marks to show those lessons on his back. Don't speak, don't make any noise, prepare meals without any flaws, have all the chores done before his Uncle got home, and his favorite...just because.

Harry pulled out the piece of glass from the shard of his mirror. Looking at it, he marveled how sharp it was, it was the perfect thing for the job.

Without any further hesitation, Harry pulled up his sleeve and placed the cool, sharp edge to his wrist and made a clean cut. Gasping at the sudden pain Harry placed the glass back to his wrist and cut again. Even though it hurt, it felt good at the same time. It felt nice to finally feel something other than the pain in his heart.

Rolling back his other sleeve, Harry placed the glass against that wrist and made two quick swipes. All in all the cuts were shallow, but these were the first of many lessons he knew he was about to inflict upon himself. After all, Umbridge had said he deserved this and hadn't she done something similar to him?

Putting the glass aside for now, Harry rolled his sleeves back down and leaned back up against the window. Closing his eyes, he hoped that maybe he could get at least an hour of sleep, maybe two if he was lucky. Lately his nightmares had been so bad that he hadn't gotten more than a few hours in the last few days.

* * *

Unbeknownst to the small child in the windowsill there was a tall, dark figure watching him from the shadows. The dark robed man would have interfered sooner and had been ready to rush out when the sharp edge hit the soft flesh, but when he saw that they were barely superficial cuts he had decided to wait. See if the boy would sleep here, because then his job would be made so much easier. It was never easy to approach someone who was doing themselves harm and often times it made matters worse. They made rash decisions that everyone regretted.

Relief filled through the man when he saw Potter's eyes grow heavy with sleep. He had vowed that it the boy had not fallen asleep within the next twenty minutes he would make his presence know so he was extremely glad when sleep had won the battle. He had not really wanted to fight the boy, but even if they were superficial wounds on his wrists, they were still bleeding and needed medical attention.

With a sigh, and the swish of robes behind him the dark robed man came forward and looked at the sleeping boy before him. Merlin the boy looked small and vulnerable when he was sleeping, more like an eleven year old than his fifteen years. It really amazed him that this boy, this child, had fought off Voldemort possessing him just the week before.

He had watched the boy from the shadows since that night. Dumbledore had ordered the entire staff to watch him, or at least that's what he had interpreted from the very vague. "Keep an eye out for him". The other's were doing no such thing though. So as always, the job of watching the Potter brat had fallen to him.

After that staff meeting, he had just about demanded that Dumbledore find the boy a mind healer for everything he had been through. No doubt the boy was putting everything on his shoulders after losing that God Mutt of his. He had noticed that he was very much like Lily in that regards. If anything went wrong, he immediately took the blame whether it was his fault of not.

The greatest wizard of their time had just shook his head sadly at his 'suggestion' and said it would be too risky to devalue what had happened to anyone who was not in the order and that was the final decision. He would hear no more arguments from Severus. That his precious 'Chosen one' did not need that kind of help.

So he had watched as the boy had pushed away all he had so cherished this past week as he fell into a profound depression. He had warned Dumbledore that this would happen, but that old man had ignored him.

Sighing again, the Potion Professor pulled out the bandages from his robes. He always kept emergency supplies in his robes just for these kind of situations. Carefully, he pulled one of the boy's sleeves up and wrapped the bandage securely around the wrist. While he was wrapping the wrist, he saw the scar on the back of Harry's hand and he had to do everything within his power not to burst into an angry rage.

Who the hell had used a blood quill on this child? And why the_ bloody hell_ had no one noticed?

Dropping the wrist gently, Severus stepped back to contain his rage. Pulling his shields around his mind, he closed his eyes and took more than a few deep breaths.

When he felt that he was calm enough, he stepped back up to the boy and took hold of the other wrist. Gently he bandaged it much like the other and had to take a few more breaths when he saw the words on this hand.

Dropping the hand back in Harry's lap, Severus really looked at the boy's face. There were the same dark circles under his eyes that had been there for the past week or so. What he didn't expect to see was the dried blood around the boy's scar.

Carefully, he reached forward and gently brushed a finger over the scar. It was raised and inflamed and looked as if it had broken open recently. As he extracted his hand, he could not help, but notice just how pale the boy had gotten over the last week. It was as if he had lost all spark of life.

Pity flowed through him as he looked at the boy who had lost so much in his short life. He was certainly, not with the life he has lived so far, was nothing like his father. It may have taken him five years and many harsh words, but he had finally seen that Harry Potter was a far cry from his pampered father. If only it hadn't taken him so _damn_ long to get over his shallow grudge.

The elder Potter had received everything he wished he had growing up and even though the boy in front of him had a family that no doubt doted on him. What did he really have in the magical world? He had his God Mutt, but only for a few short years and then his friends whom he had pushed away so roughly. Really that was it. Well, besides his adoring fans who worshiped him, but really how much support were they? As soon as the Daily Profit had started spouting rubbish about the boy they had thinned out instantly.

Shaking those thoughts from his head, Severus slowly reached forward and placed one arm beneath the boy's legs and moved the other to support his back. Gently he picked him up in his arms and frowned at just how light he was and the very noticeable flinch the boy gave off as he pulled him up.

The teenager likely weighed what an average ten year old did. Had the boy stopped eating? Well, he knew the boy had not been eating for the past week, but this weight loss was surely more than a week of damage. An average fifteen year old was supposed to weigh seven and a half stones. He swore Harry only weighed five, if that.

Severus shook his head and cast a weight altering spell on the boy. While he was lighter than he should be, that did not mean that it was going to be able to carry him for a long distance.

While the weight was more noticeable, that did not by any means mean that Severus had missed or forgotten about that flinch. Just the opposite really. That was not an everyday normal flinch where he was just surprised by the sudden touch. No, this was a 'being touched means pain' kind of flinch.

Vowing to save that line of thought for later, Severus shifted the boy and cast a sleeping spell on him. He didn't want him to wake on the way to the hospital wing, and by Merlin not in his arms!

Along with a sleeping spell, he cast a notice-me-not charm so that as he was walking through the halls no one would spot him. Really, if he didn't want to be caught by the boy he was carrying he surely didn't want to be caught by any one of the children or the staff that frequented the hallways. Merlin if Minerva saw him he would hear her teasing for weeks to come.

With a sigh, Severus stowed his wand back in his robes and set off to the hospital wing. Maybe now that the Headmaster really saw how depressed and hurt this boy was he would actually consider getting him some help. Severus knew just telling a boy to 'buck up' was not going to do any good or help him in the least. Likely it would send him deeper into his depression.

He always hated that old saying 'boy's don't cry'. Of course they cry, everyone cries. Everyone needs to cry at some point. If you don't and you bottle it up like Harry was doing here, you set yourself up for more hurt and pain. Not to mention a longer recovery time, because you have to undo all the harm you have done to yourself before you get to the root of the problem. It was like a balloon that you just keep blowing air in. It only gets bigger and bigger until it pops.

And when it pops it is so very hard to put back together.

With that thought Severus started walking to the hospital wing to get the boy the help he so desperately needed. Maybe, since his family papered him so, they could send him home early to start his summer. He was sure that they would see to it that the boy got the care he needed.

Walking through the hallways, Severus expertly avoided colliding with students and other teachers. He often walked around this way. It was easy to sneak up on rule breakers and then surprise them. He would never admit it, but he often surprised students for his own amusement. It was entertaining watching them jump when they realized that he was right behind them often lurking over their shoulder. Sometimes he even made them scream in surprise.

His favorite move by far though, was sneaking up behind Minerva and then tapping her on the shoulder. He always made her jump and even though she lectured him for hours after it was worth it.

When he reached the hospital wing, he walked to Poppy's office and deactivated the notice-me-not spell.

"Poppy."

Poppy looked up from the papers that were on her desk and was immediately over by Severus's side.

"What happened Severus?"

Severus shifted the boy in his arms uncomfortably. "What I warned Albus would happen if he did not get the boy some help. He needs a private room and maybe contact his Aunt about coming home early. He has fallen deep into a depression."

Severus shifted Harry again, this time to reveal one of the boy's wrists so he would not have to explain any further what he had watched the boy do to himself. Sometimes it was far easier to show than tell.

The martin took a deep breath, but then kicked into full healer mode by rushing from the room and into an empty one to prepare it for her patient. Severus followed closely behind and watched as Poppy laid fresh sheets on the bed and many blankets.

When she was done, she beckoned Severus forward to place Harry down on the bed. Gently Severus did as he was beckoned to and lay the boy down and then stepped away.

"I trust you can handle him from here? "

The nurse looked sadly at the man before her. "Are you alright Severus? "

Severus stiffened at the care that was in her voice, not used to people really caring what he felt. "Yes."

Nodding slowly, Poppy moved forward and placed a gentle hand on Severus's shoulder making him flinch. He hadn't had anyone touch him except Albus in years and even then it was a simple pat on the hand. "You know, Severus. If you ever need to talk, I'm here."

Severus moved from under the nurse's touch to the door. "I know Poppy."

Poppy gave a small, sad smile. "Alright. Will you be back later? "

As Severus put his hand on the doorknob, he shook his head. "No, he will not want to see me by his bedside."

"He will be asleep for a while if you want to come back and check on him."

Severus nodded and then left the room quickly. He did not want to continue that conversation with the nurse. Apparently, she knew of his habit of checking on the boy every time he was here just before he woke. It was the least he could do for Lily.

Robes billowing behind him, Severus set off to the Headmaster's office to let the man know that he had found the boy. No doubt the man was still looking for the missing boy. He knew he should have contacted Albus as soon as he found the boy, but he thought the man deserved to worry for a few hours more before he reassured him.

Stopping at the gargoyle, Severus snarled at the damn thing. He was _not_ going to guess a ridiculous candy name to be let in.

Sensing the man's mood, or more likely saw the man toy with his wand the gargoyle quickly jumped aside. He had felt the blasting curse from that wand on more than one occasion and he may be stone, but he still didn't like being blown apart.

As soon as the thing stepped aside Severus swept up the stairs with his robes flowing behind him in a bat-like manor. When he reached the door at the top of the stairs, he slammed the it open and ignored a worried Minerva sitting before Albus.

"I found him, he's in the hospital wing. Will you get him help now?" Severus was more than a little upset, he was fuming. This all could have been prevented.

A little of the worry that was on Minerva's face eased as she looked up at Albus. "You found him?"

"I did, but he was hurt. In more than one way."

Minerva closed her eyes and let out a relieved breath. "The elder Weasley's contacted me earlier, they were worried about him. Apparently he had cut off all contact with them...and then today with his display in the hallway..."

"He's hurting, and is pushing away everyone who shows that they care."

Albus looked up from the worried Minerva to Severus. "What do you think we should do?"

Severus narrowed his eyes at the man and barely held back from spitting at him. He was so _angry._ "What you should have done in the first place, get him a counselor. Get. Him. Help."

With his proclamation, Severus swept from the room with his robes billowing behind him and a worried Minerva quickly on his heels. Albus just sat there dumbfounded by the show of emotion in Severus's face. The last time he had seen the man show that kind of emotion was when Lily Potter had died. The old man closed his eyes and put his head in his hands, had he really messed up this bad?

When Severus was out of Albus's office, he paused for a moment to catch his breath and shield his mind. He had shown too much emotion already today and he didn't want to show anymore.

Unfortunately for Severus, Minerva was close behind him and as soon as she reached him she pulled the man into an empty classroom for privacy. When in the room, she bared it so that no one could enter or exit without her permission and a cast privacy spell all around so that no one could hear them.

"Are you alright Severus? "

Severus took a deep breath and looked away. "I am fine."

"Like hell you are Severus. You were my student and I can tell when something is wrong."

The man shifted nervously. "Nothing is wrong. Now will you let me go? "

"Not until you tell me what is bothering you so."

Severus looked down. He knew he was not going to get out of this without spilling the boy's secret. She was too relentless. So he sighed and told her what she wanted to know. "He slit his wrists. Superficially, but still. He needs help and Albus refuses to get him any."

Minerva's face softened. "You're worried about him."

Walking to the window, Severus looked out at the children playing outside. "I don't know what you are talking about."

Minerva's face softened even more as she sighed. She really wished that Severus would open up to someone. He was always so guarded.

"Yes, you do Severus. Can you please tell me what you are thinking about? I am Mr. Potter's head of house after all and have a right to know what is going on with him."

Severus snapped his head back to look at Minerva with narrowed eyes. "Why do you care now when there has been something wrong with him all week? Why have I been the only one watching him when everyone else cares so much about him? "

The woman before him flushed at the accusation that she didn't care about her student. "I was watching him, but maybe not as closely as I should have. Before all this, I was planning on confronting him about his behavior to Ms. Granger this evening."

Severus looked away again to gaze out the window. "So, you care when he causes a scene, but not when he loses someone he loves."

Minerva frowned and looked down. "I did not realize how close they were. They had only met a few times and even then it was for brief periods of time. I didn't think Sirius's death would affect him so."

The dark robed man rose an eyebrow, but continued to gaze out the window. "Even when the boy destroyed Albus's office?"

"He did what?"

Severus adverted his gaze and calmly looked his once mentor up and down. Now that the subject had turned off him, he didn't feel so uncomfortable. "Albus did not tell you? The night that Black died when they came back Potter threw a tantrum of sorts in his office and destroyed everything. It was then that I suggested that we get help for him, but I was ignored."

Sighing the head of the lions lowered her head and closed her eyes. "I did not know. You were and are right Harry needs help. More than we can give him. Is there anything else I should know?"

Minerva looked up at Severus with almost pleading eyes. She knew she needed to know everything to help Harry, she just hoped that this man would tell her.

Again, Severus looked away. "He is too light for his age. Likely weighs five stones or less. This is more than a week without food, he might have an eating disorder."

The woman nodded her head thoughtfully. "He never does eat much at meals and when he does, he heads to the bathroom right after calming he doesn't feel well. I always thought he just had a weak stomach."

"It might be wise to send him home early so that he has more time to recover. I am sure that his Aunt will see to it that he gets proper help."

Letting out a deep breath the woman nodded again. "I am sure I can arrange something."

"Will you let me leave now? "

Smiling for the first time since Harry's outburst in the hallway Minerva let go of the spells she had placed on the room. "You may go, but please come to me if you have any other worries about Harry."

As Severus strode to the door, he called out snarling behind him, "I don't care about him nor worry about him. It is my duty to make sure he lives and nothing more."

When he was gone, Minerva just smiled and shook her head. "Sure Severus, whatever you say. Remember, actions always speak louder than words."


	2. Questions

**Thanks for all the reviews! Hope you like this next chapter! Let me know what you think!**

* * *

Severus paced the length of his office with his hands behind his back. Minerva's words kept flowing through his head. 'You're worried about him.'

Like_ hell_ he was worried about the boy, he didn't care one iota about the menacing little scamp. He just had to make sure he lived, make sure he kept his promise to Lily. Nothing else, nothing more. Why would he be worried? It was not like the boy was going home to a bad home life after all. He was sure Patunia pampered him like a little prince.

The dark man slumped down into his chair very unlike himself and placed his head in his hands. Then why the hell did he have this nagging feeling that they were failing the boy yet again? What was he missing?

Severus sighed and lifted his head from his hands. Maybe he should just go check on the boy one last time. Not that he cared for the boy at all, no, he was just going to make sure that he hadn't done anything more to hurt himself. There was no telling what someone would do when they were that deep in a depression. That must be what was bothering him.

With that decided, the man got up from behind his desk and with his dark robes flowing behind him he strode to the hospital wing. All the way there he kept telling himself that it was not concern that was coursing through his veins, he just knew that the boy was more than likely causing trouble for the nurse. Yeah, that was it. That had to be it.

Again, as he entered the hospital wing, he cast a silent notice-me-not spell over himself and headed to the private room he knew Potter to be in. Quietly he slipped in and saw that Albus was already sitting by the boy's bed.

Severus silently sighed as he looked over at the bed. The boy was not awake as he had hoped. Poppy had told him that he would be sleeping a while, but he had hoped that the nurse was wrong and that he would have awakened soon. He knew the longer you slept the greater your injury.

Quietly he watched as Albus sat there beside the boy and gently ran his fingers through the boy's hair. Suddenly the older man stopped and turned slightly to look at where Severus was standing.

"I know you are there, Severus. Come and sit down."

The man just sighed, knowing that pulling the wool over Albus's eyes was not an easy feat. Quietly he took the charm off and then sat in the chair next to the older man.

"You were right, Severus. I am sorry I did not listen to you."

Severus looked over at the older man. It was not like Albus to admit that he was wrong, normally he made some kind of excuse to go with an apology.

"Are you finally getting him help?"

Sadly the man nodded. "I didn't realize just how much he was hurting. I arranged for a qualified Healer to visit him once a day when he gets back to his relatives. Poppy doesn't want him to leave here too soon though, she is afraid it might seem as though we are just handing him off even if that is not our intention."

Severus nodded. "She is right. Has he woken at all?"

Albus gave a small nod. "He woke ten minutes before you got here. He was so distressed to find himself here Poppy put him back to sleep."

Closing his eyes the darker man let out his breath slowly. "Why was he distressed to be here?"

Albus shrugged his shoulders and shook his head. "He just closed in on himself. Curling into a ball and muttering that 'He can't be here, he'll just get people hurt'. He didn't even notice my presence in the room or really even Poppy's until she made him drink a dreamless sleep. Even that was a challenge."

"He is blaming himself for his Godfather's death. That is why he has distanced himself from his friends." Severus sadly looked at the boy. He knew how hard it was to lose someone you loved. He didn't wish that kind of pain on his worst enemy.

The Headmaster nodded. "That night he destroyed my office, I told him it wasn't his fault, but it seems that I failed in convincing him. I thought he was going to be ok."

"He is not."

Closing his eyes Albus nodded again. "I can see that now. Thank you for looking out for him. And I am sorry if this has brought any memories back to you."

Severus stood up and headed to the door. "I gave my word that I would keep him alive and that is what I have done."

"Thank you my boy." Albus sadly smiled at his boy as he passed through the door. Severus would never show it, but must be bringing memories of when he lost his mother.

With that, Severus walked out of the room and closed the door behind him knowing that finally the boy was getting the help he needed. That nagging feeling was still there in the pit of his stomach though. There was something that he felt like he was missing and it had something to do with that flinch.

Ignoring that feeling for now Severus started to walk back down to the dungeons. He had more papers to grade than he thought he could handle. All this week he had ignored his duties to follow Potter around, but now that he was in capable hands he could finally get some work done.

* * *

A few hours later, Albus was still sitting in Harry's room trying to figure out just what to do. Sure, he had set up for Harry to go back home a week early, but it bothered him just how much persuading it had taken for his relatives to agree. Actually, it's more than bothered him, it disturbed him how his Aunt had called Harry names that did not suit the boy. Did she really call him a bratty freak? He must have misheard her.

He really wished that he could take the boy in himself rather than send him off, but he knew the Ministry would never let him. Not while they were trying to discredit him and the poor boy at every turn. And the Ministry could never see him the way he was right now, it would just confirm their reports that he was unstable and they would find some little hospital to lock him up in and throw away the key.

Albus reached forward again to stroke his fingers gently through Harry's soft hair. The boy flinched back a little, but then relaxed and leaned eagerly into the kind touch. He could never allow that to happen to Harry.

"Oh, my boy. If only I could take this pain from you I would."

Softly the boy on the bed gave a little groan, and Albus noticed that his eyes were starting to open again. Gently he removed his hand from the boy's hair and watched as the boy woke, hoping beyond all hope that this time Harry was more lucid than the last time he awoke.

Slowly the boy's eyes opened and spotted Albus sitting next to his bed. When he saw who his blurry eyes deduced who it was Harry's eyes dulled, and he turned to lay on his side to face the wall.

"Harry?"

No response came from the boy he just lay there listlessly. He didn't particularly want to talk at the moment, especially not to his Headmaster. Not after what he had done to his office...or what he had revealed to him after Sirius's death.

With sad eyes Albus gave Harry a pleading look. "Harry, child, can you look at me?"

The boy made no move to look at Albus and the old man let out a sigh. Gently he reached out and tried to place a hand on Harry's shoulder, but the boy shrugged him off and seemed to curl into himself even tighter.

"Child, I know you are upset with me right now, but I only have your best interests at heart. I wanted you to enjoy your childhood as long as possible and not burden you."

Continuing to look at the wall, Harry mumbled under his breath so quietly that Albus could not hear, "If you wanted me to enjoy my childhood, why did you leave me with them? Why did you leave me to be beaten at every turn?"

With a sigh Albus moved from his chair and sat on the edge of Harry's bed and gently placed a hand on the boy's back. A flinch came from Harry, but otherwise he made no move to shake himself from the gentle touch.

"I hope you know Harry, that I am here for you whenever you need me. If you ever want to talk my ears are always open."

Closing his eyes tightly the boy's knees came up to touch his chin. He didn't like close contact and he _really_ didn't like it when people touched his back. It always reminded him of when the touch was not so kind.

Sensing the boy's discomfort Albus removed his hand from the boy's back and watched in wonder as the boy's posture relaxed a little. Concern filled the old man, had someone hurt this child? It was not normal for someone to tense so much from such a simple touch.

"Are you alright Harry?"

Still nothing came out of the boy making Albus sigh.

"Alright Harry, I'm going to go get Madam Pomfrey. I'll be right back."

Albus got up from the bed and moved to the door. The way Harry was reacting the way he was, he had to admit that he was beyond a little worried and his worry was growing by the minute.

Finding the matron not moments later Albus explained just what had happened with Harry and all the while he spoke the nurse's eyes grew more and more worried. When he was finished, her professional side came out, and she bustled into the boy's room to see what she could do to help. She knew healing Harry's heart was not going to be easy. It never was when it came to the heart.

Before she entered the room, she turned around and gave Albus a sad, but stern look. "I think for now you should wait outside Albus."

The man only nodded defeated. He knew the woman was right, she always was when it came to the student's health.

Quietly, but not quiet enough that she would startle the boy Poppy came in the room and gently shut the door behind her. She then, came over to the bed and sat where Albus had sat just moments ago.

"Hi Harry, how are you feeling?"

To her disappointment she received the only answer Albus had gotten, nothing. Sighing, she got up and moved to the other side of the bed so that she could see the boy's face. She didn't like forcing the boy to look at her, but she knew she had to right now if she was going to see if he was hurting anywhere besides his heart.

Sitting on the other side of the bed Poppy gently took the boy's right wrist and prodded it tenderly. She wanted to make sure it was healed fully and that this was the first time the boy had decided to hurt himself.

"Harry, I need you to talk with me, ok? I need you to answer these questions as honestly as you can. It is very important."

Harry closed his eyes, but nodded. He didn't want to speak with anyone, but he felt bad ignoring the nurse who had always treated him so kindly. She had always healed his wounds when he fell off his broom or made him feel better when he was sick. It was the most anyone had done for him in his young life and for that he would do almost anything for her. Almost.

"Do you hurt anywhere?"

Harry shook his head. For at the moment, nothing physical did hurt, rather he felt like he was floating outside his body.

"That's good. Can you feel my hand on yours?"

The boy gave a small nod. He could feel the slight warmth of the nurse's hand against his.

"Can you move your fingers for me?"

With little to no concentration, Harry wiggled his fingers all around much to the nurses pleasure. She had hoped that there had been no nerve damage. They were superficial cuts, sure, but someone's magic could do weird things when trying to protect the body and in some cases, some people's magic had cut off the nerves in their hands after feeling a threat. That was why cutting was so dangerous in the magical world, so much more than the Muggle world.

Poppy gave the boy a small smile and set down his wrist. "Very good Harry. Now I'm going to need you to speak with me to answer these next few questions. Can you do that for me?"

Harry looked away to study his pillow making the nurse sigh, but she decided that she should try anyway. Gently she placed a hand on the Harry's cheek and sadly looked at the boy when he flinched back.

"Harry. Why did you hurt yourself?"

The boy closed his eyes and brought his knees tight to his chest shaking off the nurse's hand as he did. He started shaking his head violently and seemed to pull into himself.

Looking down at the hurting boy Poppy gently rested a hand on his back. "Ok Harry, it's alright, we don't have to talk about that right now. Just relax for me. Come on Harry, calm down now."

Harry continued pulling is face to rest on his knees and seemed far from calming down. The nurse anticipating something similar happening pulled out a calming potion out from her pocket and held it up to the boy gently forcing him from hiding his face in his knees.

"I need you to take this potion Harry."

Through tears and shallow breathing Harry was able to sip down the fowl tasting potion that the nurse was offering.

"There we go Harry. You are such a good boy."

Gently while Harry calmed down Poppy tenderly rubbed his back and brushed back his hair. When he was calm enough, and his tears were slowing she gave him a small encouraging smile.

"Feel better?"

The boy gave a small nod, but then looked away. She knew his emotions were haywire right now and he probably didn't know what he should be feeling. Grateful that the nurse was helping him, embarrassed that she had seen him crying or mad that they had brought him here. He was probably feeling all three at once, and it was swirling inside him angrily.

"Can you tell me the last time you ate, Harry?"

Harry shook his head, making the nurse sigh, but she snapped her fingers and a house elf appeared with a tray of soup and milk. The elves knew when she needed them, because often she had made as little noise as possible to summon them in case someone was sleeping.

The elf handed the tray to the nurse and she nodded her thanks while he popped away.

"Do you want to sit up and have some soup?"

Harry shook his head. He knew it wasn't a request by the way it was said, but he didn't feel like he was worthy of food. Not with what he had done to his Godfather. He had killed the man who had loved him like a father.

"Harry, If you don't have some I'm going to have to force feed you and you are not going to like that. You need to eat something."

Seeing the glint in the nurse's eyes Harry reluctantly sat up in bed and let her put the tray on his lap. For the next few minutes Harry played with the soup in the bowl and just starred at the glass of milk.

That was until Madam Pomfrey sighed and took the spoon from Harry. Scooping up some of the soup she held it up to the boy's mouth until he opened and let her feed him.

"Five more spoon fulls and a piece of bread, then it will be all over. Alright?"

Harry nodded and accepted another spoon full from the witch reluctantly. He couldn't believe that the nurse had decided that he was incapable of feeding himself, but he had sat there just playing with his food for a long while. Still, this was beyond humiliating...but at the same time it was nice to be cared for.

When the nurse was finished feeding the boy, she handed the boy the glass of milk and ordered him to take deep sips until it was gone. The nutrients in the milk would help him greatly. Finishing the milk, the nurse then took the cup away and then gently removed the tray from his lap and the pillow that was keeping him propped sitting up.

"Why don't you get some more rest now and then maybe when you wake, you will feel more like talking." Poppy sat on the side of the bed and then gently fluffed up the pillows and pulled the covers up to cover Harry's chest.

Harry adverted his eyes from the nurse and rolled over on his other side so that he was facing away from her. Closing her eyes for a moment Poppy placed a gentle hand on his back and ignored the flinch.

"Just call me if you need anything Harry, or if you just want to talk. I'm always here for you Harry, no matter what. I want you to know that, alright?"

Harry just continued staring at the wall and Poppy sighed, but gave him one last gentle caress and then removed her hand. She then walked out of the room to greet an inpatient and worried Headmaster, but not without looking back and giving one last worried look at the poor boy.

The last time she had been so worried about one of her patients was when Severus had come back from one of those meetings half dead last year. This heartbreaking worry, she felt she never thought she would feel it again, but here it was again. She supposed only two people could do this to her, those two people she cared about most. The two who never seemed to get the better end of the stick.

* * *

Outside, she was immediately bombarded with questions from not only the Headmaster, but Minerva was there as well to see the boy.

Tiring very quickly of having question after question thrown at her with no time to in between to answer them Poppy finally just put a silencing spell on both of them. Much to the amusement to the man who was hiding in the shadows.

Pinching the bridge of her nose Poppy just pointed to the four chairs that were conveniently placed for just this kind of circumstance.

Pointing to the corner she knew Severus was in Poppy sighed. "Severus, you too. I know you are lurking there."

Grudgingly with his arms crossed Severus emerged from the shadows and sat in the chair that had the least the offending color. He was _not_ sitting in a purple chair! He refused!

When they had all sat down Poppy looked at the two who still had a silencing spell on them and rose a finger sternly. "Can you two promise to give me a moment to answer your questions before you ask the next one?"

Both looked down and nodded, so she took off the spells and then turned to look at Severus. "Since you are not behaving like a child, would you like to go first?"

The man rose an eyebrow at the witch, but nodded nevertheless. "How is he mentally?"

Sadly, she shook her head. "He wouldn't open up to me, but it is obvious his mind is going through great turmoil."

"Will he recover?"

"I do not know, but I think there is more going on than just his Godfather's death. I don't think he realizes it, but his glamours are down, and there are scars."

"Scars?"

The nurse nodded and then looked over at Minerva. "Have you arranged for him to go home for the rest of the term?"

The woman nodded. "I had to do everything I could to convince them it was for the best."

"I don't know anything for sure, but maybe it would be wise to investigate Harry's living arrangements there before we ship him off. I have a bad feeling..."

As the woman trailed off, the Headmaster with great sadness in his eyes placed a hand on hers. "He has to go back. There is no safer place for him. The blood wards."

"But Albus, what if they were the ones who hurt him? How can we send him back there if it's just to be hurt?"

Albus looked over at Minerva, who had posed the question they had all wanted to ask. "I am sure my dear, that Petunia wouldn't hurt her own blood."

Severus looked at the Headmaster and thought of his own past, but then roughly pushed away those thoughts. Surely Albus had checked up on the boy before and knew what he was talking about. Why else would he assure Minerva that everything was alright?

The head of the lions just nodded, accepting Albus's word, but had one more question. "Who gave him those scars then?"

Albus shook his head. "I don't know, my dear, but we will find out."

Minerva shot Severus a worried glance, and he returned it with a nod. Apparently, they were on the same train of thought. There was something very, very wrong here for Harry to have so many scars.

Looking over at Albus Severus nodded and then moved from his chair to Harry's room. He had to see for himself what the nurse said was true. If it was, then everything he had believed these last five years had been lies he had been telling himself.

Silently he opened the door and closed it behind him. He really hoped the nurse was overreacting to normal childhood scars, but deep in his heard he just didn't know. Was this the nagging feeling he had deep in the pit of his stomach?

Severus silently sighed and then walked over to the bed very careful not to wake the boy. It was obvious the boy had fallen back to sleep after his meal with Poppy. Smirking Severus knew just how he had fallen asleep so quickly. She often dosed the milk she gave to patients with dreamless sleep so they would rest after she left.

Coming over to the boy he sat on the side of his bed and gently brushed his hair from his face. His hand stilled over Harry's cheek though, and he traced the angry scar that ran from the top of his ear all the way down to his chin.

He could see where Poppy had her suspicions, but until the boy told for sure what that scar was from they could not act on their suspicions. For all they knew it could have been an accident or some school aged children getting rough with him. That is likely what happened... knowing the boy he probably had gotten into a street fight when he was back home. Yeah, that was it. There was no way Patunia would lay a hand on her nephew. They were all just overreacting. They were just overreacting.

Severus removed his hand from the boy's cheek and then left the room as quietly as he had entered. All the time silently telling himself that they were just overreacting, it was a street fight.


	3. Runaway

**Next chapter! Let me know what you think! :)**

* * *

The next morning Severus found himself sitting beside Potter's bedside. Something was still bothering him about the boy. His earlier mantra was slowly fading away every new injury the nurse had found.

That morning Poppy had sat there and examined him again for other injuries. With the glamours down, she was sure she would find more. Unfortunately, she was right and she had found many old broken bones and injuries. Not to mention that awful scar on his face.

Now Severus was sitting there studying the sleeping figure trying to figure out just how he had gained all those injuries. Earlier he had thought it must have been the boy getting into fights, but that was seeming less and less likely. This was not one of his little snakes so why did this seem so familiar?

Normally, in the beginning of the year he ended up here quite a bit with one or two of his snakes recovering from their vacation. It was a little known fact that Slytherins were so close because the only family that truly cared for them was here at school. It was his duty to make sure that they were safe and when they went back home, to a new home, that they were safe. Why was he sitting here again? That's right. He was no watching after Lily's boy.

Sighing, Severus looked down at the now scared face and was prepared to stand up and leave when the boy began to stir. For a moment Severus considered leaving and letting Poppy deal with the boy, but he thought back to Albus asking him to try to talk with the boy and he sat back in his chair hoping to get this over with. He didn't really fancy talking with the child, but if he could get it over with now then maybe he could escape to his dungeons with some answers.

Harry rolled over so that he was facing Severus and slowly opened his eyes. Not having his glasses on, all he saw was the black blur sitting down in a brown blob and sighed. He assumed from the lack of crazy colors Dumbledore had found someone else to try to talk with him. He just wanted to hide somewhere safe so he didn't hurt anyone else, couldn't they all see that? Couldn't they see that if he was around then he would be responsible for killing everyone close to him?

Harry watched the black blur reach over to the bedside table and grab his glasses and then hand them to him. When the boy didn't grab the glasses the figure just placed them on the bed beside him. Tentatively, he picked his glasses up and placed them on the edge of his nose to see his potions professor looking at him like an interesting potion ingredient.

Upon seeing him, Harry couldn't help but flinch. He knew the man hated him, but he still didn't want to get the man hurt. After all this man had a reason to hate him. He was an awful person and deserved every one of his teacher's harsh words.

Looking down at his bed, Harry was flinched back surprised when he heard the man beside him sigh.

"Potter" Severus winced slightly, there was that flinch again. What had happened to this boy to make him so jumpy. He knew losing someone was hard, but it certainly didn't make you jump at every sound.

"Potter, can you look at me?"

The dratted boy rolled over so that his back was facing him and drew his knees to his chest. Closing his eyes and letting out a deep breath Severus realized that this was going to be harder than he thought. Already the boy was trying to push him away.

Getting up Severus moved around to the other side of the bed and then gently sat down on the edge so that the boy was facing him again. Gently, as if Harry was one of his snakes, Severus uncurled him by moving Harry's arms from around his face and his knees down to where they should be.

"Look at me Potter. I will not hurt you."

Harry continued to look down, but with the intense glare on him Harry felt he had no choice, but to look up into the deep obsidian eyes. To his shame, tears began to form in his eyes and he closed him tightly.

Sighing Severus pulled a potion stained handkerchief from his pocket and gently stuffed it in the boy's hands. "It's alright to let it out Potter. Take some deep breaths, I'm right here."

Harry gripped the handkerchief and remembered the last one that was handed to him. Sirius had given him one after a bad nightmare before school started. That was the last time anyone had shown him any care and he knew he hadn't deserved it. Just as he did not deserve it now.

Severus frowned as he saw the boy before him just grip the soft fabric in his hand tighter and close his squeeze his eyes closed, but no more tears came. Unsure of what to do next Severus sat there and watched the boy for a moment. Normally, his snakes would start crying now and then they would be alright after a while.

Uncomfortably, Severus did the only thing he could think of. He reached forward and placed a gentle hand on the boy's shoulder to show some comfort and didn't remove it when the boy flinched back.

"I know you are hurting Potter, it's alright to cry. Your Godfather meant a lot to you."

Harry violently shook his head and tried to pull his knees up to his chest again, but Severus stopped him with a soothing, but firm hand. He didn't want the boy closing himself off from the world again.

Harry was obviously upset at Severus's actions though. "No! Stop being nice to me! You're supposed to hate me. It's supposed to be easy watching you give up on me too! "

Severus didn't show it, but he was startled by the boy's statement. Did he really come off so strong that the boy thought he hated him?

"I don't hate you."

Harry opened his eyes in shock and searched the man's face for lies. When he didn't see any, he rolled over and turned his back to the man. Feelings he didn't want to feel were bubbling up in his chest and he didn't know how to manage them. Snape didn't hate him? How was that possible?

Severus let the boy roll over and moved his hand from Harry's shoulder to his back, but removed his hand completely when Harry filched more like he was hurt this time.

"Are you hurt? Do you want me to get Madam Pomfrey?"

Harry shook his head. He didn't want to speak with the nurse right now. In fact, he didn't want to talk with anyone. He just wanted everyone to leave him alone so that he could escape into the dark night. Maybe Voldemort would find him and finally finish him off.

Severus took a deep breath. "Professor Dumbledore has made arrangements for you to return home early so that you can heal from your loss. You need to tell me if this is a bad idea Potter, I'll fight for you if it is."

Harry stilled and stopped breathing, his heart was beating like mad. Was Snape implying that he knew? Was he really saying that his professor would fight for him to not go home? What was the man playing at? Was he looking for more ammunition to throw at him? Probably.

The potions professor saw his student stop breathing and then watched as his breaths started coming at a rapid pace. Remembering what his mother used to do when he was caught up in his panic Severus moved quickly to place an arm beneath Harry's knees and then another under his back. Carefully, he maneuvered the boy so that he was cradled in his arms and gently pressed the boy's head to his chest.

"Feel how I'm breathing child, and try to match it. Come on now, calm yourself down. Everything is alright."

As soon as the boy could no longer see black spots in his vision and he was able to calm down he looked around and saw exactly where he was. Embarrassed, Harry tried to struggle out of Severus's arms, but the man wasn't having it. He had the boy where he could see him and maybe talk with him and he wasn't going to let go until he had answers...even if he was uncomfortable in this unfamiliar position.

"No Potter, you are not going anywhere. I need you to answer my question. Is it safe for you to return home?"

Severus was now having serious doubts that going home was what Harry needed. A panic attack was not how you should respond to being asked if you would like to go home.

Harry brought his arms up to cover his face. He knew his face would betray him and he didn't want that. He wanted to lie and say he was fine to go back to the Dusrley's. That way as soon as he got there he could run away, he could be free.

Quickly Harry nodded his head and hoped that he was convincing, but had a feeling that it was otherwise.

Gently Severus removed the arms from the boy's face and looked him dead in the eyes. "I need a verbal answer Harry. Are you safe at home? "

"Y...ye...no"

He didn't know what came over him, but Harry couldn't lie. He just couldn't lie to those dark obsidian eyes. There was something there that prevented him.

Severus gave a quick nod and let go of the boy's arms. "Then you won't be going home. I'll find somewhere else for you to go. Maybe you would like to stay with the wolf? "

Harry froze and then shook his head.

Curiously Severus glanced down at the boy. "Why not?"

"H...he hates me."

Severus let out a small sigh, glad that Harry...Potter was opening up to him at least a little bit. This was far better than the boy rolling over and ignoring him with every question he asked. "That is not true Ha..Potter, I know for a fact the wolf cares for you very much."

Harry looked up at him with dull, tear filled eyes and shook his head. "I killed his best friend. How could be care for me after that?"

With that Harry took Severus by surprise and jumped out of his lap and was out the door a moment later in only his hospital issued pajamas. Stunned that the boy had run so fast, Severus sat there for a moment before he jumped up and sent a patronous to all the teachers letting them know that a student was on the loose.

When the message was sent out, Severus started running in the direction Harry was had headed at full force. He had a feeling the boy was going to hurt himself again and he didn't want that to happen.

Racing through the halls in his notice-me-not spell Severus searched for the boy high and low, but after an hour Severus slumped down against the wall not knowing where else to look. By now, the whole school was on alert and all the teachers were searching, but no one had even seen a clue of where the boy had gone and Severus had a sinking feeling in his chest.

With one last ounce of hope Severus pulled out his wand and cast a simple point me spell. He doubted it would work because of all the magic in the castle, but it was worth a shot. Much to his surprise his wand pointed outside to the dark forbidden forest.

His breath hitched in his chest as he thought of all the wild animals and dangerous creatures in that forest. Not to mention that if the boy was in there he was no longer in the wards that would protect him from death eaters.

"Potter, why do you do this to me?"

Severus jumped up and sent a message telling Albus where he was headed. He knew the man was worried and he wanted to prevent any further worrying when he couldn't find him. With that done, Severus rushed out the front doors and to the woods, hoping beyond all hope he would find the distraught boy before he did something stupid or someone or somet_hing_ else found him.

Running past Hagrid's Hut Severus bounded for the forest with his ward out and pointing to where he hoped the boy was. If his wand was wrong, then he didn't know what he was going to do. ...and since when did he care so much for this boy?

Shaking all those thoughts from his mind, Severus continued on through the forest and searched for the small boy. After a long while his wand stopped and spun in circles indicating he was just in front of his desired target, but he couldn't see the boy anywhere.

Closing his eyes, he cursed at himself, he knew the magic at Hogwarts messed with point me spells. So why had he even tried? He could have still been searching the castle and had found him by now. Sighing Severus started to turn, but out of the corner of his eye, he saw a flash of blue... the color of the boy's pajamas.

Causality, he called out to the boy. "Harry? "

A small figure popped his head up from an abandoned tree trunk nearby, but then hid itself again when he saw just who had called him. He wanted to be left alone in peace so he could cry...or wait for something to come and finish him off.

Relief filled through Severus's chest as he stepped forward and saw that the boy was unharmed. Looking at him closer he saw the tear tracks and slight shivering in the thin frame. It may be near summer, but the boy had gone out in only his thin pajamas and bare feet. He would have to check his feet to make sure he hadn't cut himself.

Striding forward Severus knelt down before the boy and gently placed a hand on the boy's shoulder making him flinch back.

"Let's go back inside Harry. Everyone's very worried about you."

Harry closed his eyes and buried his face in his knees. "I don't want them to worry about me, I want them to forget I exist."

Severus sat back on his bottom, resigned that he would be here for a while. He didn't want to take the boy back like this or else he was sure he would run again and he doubted he would be able to find him a second time...he was lucky he had found him this time.

"Why is that Harry? "

The boy let out a deep sob and shakily answered. "I hurt anyone I'm near. I kill people by just knowing them."

"Your Godfather's death was not your fault Harry. If anyone's, it was the Headmaster's and mine for not letting you know everything was under control. You were worried and went to save someone you loved."

Harry looked up from his knees. "Why are you calling me Harry?"

Taken by surprise, all Severus did was stare at the tear stained face for a moment. He hadn't even realized he had started calling the boy by his first name. Composing himself, Severus let out a small sigh. "I suppose it's because you are hurt and I don't want to frighten you."

The boy nodded and rested his head back on his knees. "Why are you the one chasing after me if everybody else cares so much? "

"They are still searching the castle for you. I believe Professor McGonagall almost had a heart attack when she heard you had run."

Surprised the boy looked up. "Really? "

Severus gave a soft nod. "Yes. Will you come back now? We can talk some place more comfortable...where we don't have to sit on hard rocks."

The boy let out a small smile and nodded, but was still wary of the man. He was only really agreeing because he was cold and tired...not that he trusted the man. That was surely not the warm gushy feeling in the bottom of his chest. That was not trust!

Slowly Severus reached forward and picked the boy up into his arms and hugged him close to his body. Feeling the coldness of the boy's body Severus took his robe off his shoulders and wrapped it around Harry as he stood up.

"Are you comfortable?"

Harry turned his head to bury his face in the man's ribs. He was fifteen for Merlin's sake! Way too old to be carried like this...but for some strange reason...it felt nice being cared like a little kid.

Looking down at the boy Severus sighed, knowing that it was going to take a lot of work to get the boy to actually open up. He pitied the poor soul who was stuck with that job. It was not going to be a fun task.

Pulling out his wand a little awkwardly Severus cast another notice-me-not spell around them so that no one would see him caring for the boy and then he started walking back to the castle.

When he reached the edge of the forest Severus stealthy made his way back up to the castle and then to the hospital wing. He did not however, bring Harry to the room he had last resided in. Instead, he walked into a room closer to Poppy's office.

Gently he sat Harry down on the bed placed inside and then turned to shut the door behind them. When he was sure that the door was shut tightly and the spells were activated he turned and sat down next to the boy on the bed and then gently began to explain his reasoning for the change of rooms.

"This is a safe room. You will be unable to walk out of here without someone accompanying you or hurt yourself in any way. We did not think this room was necessary before, but with that little stunt you just pulled I can see it is."

Harry looked down and wrapped his Professor's soft cloak around himself even tighter. He had not thought of what would happen if he had been forced to come back. In fact all he had thought as he was running was that he had to get away as fast as possable so they wouldn't catch him. Now that he was back though, he just didn't know what to think...or do.

Sighing, Severus moved off the bed and walked to the door. Before he left though, he turned and looked gentily at the boy. "I will be back Potter, but let me assure you, you will not be returning to your relatives again."

Looking up at the man with mixed emotions on his face the boy nodded. He was just so confused on what to feel. On one hand it was a relief to hear that he would never go back to that hell hole he had tried to call home all those years, but on the other hand he wanted to go there so he could suffer...he deserved it afterall.

Seeing the small nod Severus left the room and then sent a message to the other staff members so they would know Harry was back safe and sound. He then walked over to the nurse's office and knocked on the door. He wanted to make sure she knew Harry was here and he was in her capable hands again.

Poppy immediately came to the door and sighed the man in relief. "How is he? Did he injure himself any more?"

"He's cold and tired, but otherwise unharmed. I have to go speak with Albus about his summer arrangements."

The nurse's face softened. "So that's why he ran."

"Yes, so it seems. I put him in the warded room so he cannot run again. "

Severus then turned to go. He had shown too much emotion today, especially in front of the nurse. He was not about to show anymore.

Sadly Poppy watched him leave shaking her head. That man was always a mystery, but not to her. She knew that he cared more than he showed and the fact that he no longer had his cloak on showed that.

As soon as he left the hospital wing, she walked over to the closed door and entered quietly. Seeing the boy on the bed, clutching Severus's cloak around him Poppy smiled and walked over to sit where Severus had not long ago.

"Hi Harry. You gave us quite a scare there. We were all very worried about you."

The boy just held the soft material closer over his body and looked away. He hated this. He hated being in the hospital wing. Why had he ever agreed to come back here?

"Ok Harry, can you give me the cloak? You need to get changed out of those pajamas and then get warmed up."

Harry shook his head and looked away. He didn't want to give up the one thing someone had given him willingly.

"You can have it right back after we get you cleaned up. I'm not taking it away from you Harry."

Gently, and without the boy's consent Poppy cast a feather light charm on him and then picked him up in her arms. It was now time to take charge and stop pussy footing around. Harry had to warm up and she was going to make sure he did.

Mortified Harry hid his face in the cloak and tried to squirm away. It was no use, though. The nurse had a strong grip on him and he was weary. Somehow, when his professor had carried him it had felt comforting, a little mortifying, but mostly comforting. The nurse caring him like a little child, though, this was just plain embarrassing.

Carrying Harry to the bathroom Poppy set the boy down on the closed toilet lid and started running the bath water. "Don't worry dear. I won't give you a bath. If you have trouble, I will call Albus to help you."

The nurse then came over and gently unwrapped the cloak that was still around the boy. Harry protested, but was beginning to get tired and eventually gave up knowing he would never win. When the nurse wanted something done there was no stopping her.

When Poppy had placed the cloak on the counter and gathered a towel for Harry she came and knelt down of the boy. "There is some potion on the side of the tub there. I want you to pour it all into the bath once you are in and then try to relax. That potion will help you relax and hopefully start to fade some of your scars. Albus will be in, in a half hour to help you to bed. I want you to stay in the tub until then alright? "

Harry gave a tiny nod, knowing that somehow Poppy would know if he didn't follow her instructions. He didn't know how, but she always knew exactly what happened in her domain and always caught patients who didn't follow her instruction. She must have spells around letting her know what was going on at very moment.

Searching Harry's face Poppy eventually nodded. "Alright Harry, I'll leave you to it. Call if you need any help."

The boy nodded as he watched the nurse stood up and first turned off the faucet in the tub and then grab Severus's robe before leaving the room and shutting the door.

Sighing Harry looked over at the steaming water and then down at his hands. He knew if he didn't get in soon someone would come and check on him, he didn't want that, but at the same time his rebellious streak was telling him to defy his orders and just sit there.

The choice was taken from him a few minutes later though when Albus walked in the bathroom and shut the door softly behind him.

Harry looked down clearly embarrassed and wishing he had not waited so long to do as the nurse had asked.

Albus just smiled though and came to kneel before Harry. "Need some help son? I know this is embarrassing, but you need to hop in that bath. If you want, you can keep your shorts on."

Harry gave a small nod and let the man take his shirt off for him and then gently his pajama bottoms. He didn't know why he was so helpless right now. He just felt so tired and weak.

Here he was though. Fifteen years old and his Headmaster was helping in the tub and pouring a potion over his body. A thought hit him then. It shouldn't be Dumbledore helping him in the tub. This should be Sirius's job. Sirius should be here taking care of him...but he couldn't...because he had killed him. He had killed his own Godfather.

Tears filled Harry's eyes and he looked away from Albus as the man found a bath pillow for his head to rest on. When Harry's Headmaster came back though, and looked at the boy he let out a small sigh seeing the tears.

Gently he took the pillow and placed it behind the boy's head, but instead of retreating like Harry had expected, the man pulled up a stool near his head and sat on it. Tenderly the man stroked his fingers through the wet hair.

"Child." Albus sighed again and moved his hand down to wipe away some of the tears that had fallen. "I know you are grieving as we all are, but Sirius's death is not your fault."

Harry started to turn even further away, but with a quickly placed hand Albus stopped him. "No Harry, you need to hear me and hear me well. Sirius was ordered to stay at Grimmauld no matter what happened. He was an adult and made the decision to go to the Ministry. Despite what you might think, you are still just a child Harry and you could not have made that decision for him."

The boy looked up with anger in his eyes at Albus, but the man could see it was not aimed at himself, but inward. "But he was protecting me! He came to rescue me!" Then Harry looked down and began to speak more quietly, almost whispering. "The Dursley's were right all along, if I just hadn't been born...then everything would have been fine. I am a burden and I should just die. The world would be a better place without me."

Looking down at the boy in shock at what the boy believed Albus couldn't help it any longer, he would deal with Poppy's wrath later. Gently he reached down and scooped the underweight boy into his arms and hugged him close. He could have cared less that he was soaking his robes. He just wanted to hold his child that was so hurt, both outside and inside.

"Oh Merlin, Harry, never say that. You are not a burden to anyone, and so many people's lives would be so much worse without you. I know I don't show it the right way all the time, but I love and care for you so much my boy and have always tried to do the best for you. I am so sorry I left you with those people. I promise you I will figure out somewhere else for you to go for the summer. Just Harry, please don't give up. Don't lose your will to live, too many people love you...including me."

The last part of Albus's speech hit Harry hard and he now had his arms wrapped around Albus's neck and was crying hard into the man's soft robes. No one had ever told him that they loved him before. Sure Sirius had hinted at it, but he had never admitted it to him.

Albus stepped over a bit and then sat down on the closed toilet with the boy still in his arms. Gently he started to rub soothing circles on the boy's back and closed his eyes. He had never imagined his boy would be this hurt...and what exactly had those people done to him? Severus had told him that he should never go back there and had said that the scars Poppy had found were attributed to them...but it hadn't really hit him until now what that had meant.

"Shhh. It's alright Harry, just calm down. I'm right here and I have you, I will never leave you again. I will always be here for you."

Harry continued crying though, and didn't stop when the door opened to admit a worried looking nurse. She had placed a charm on the tub to let her know if Harry soaked long enough and was worried when the buzzer had gone off letting her know that Harry had gotten out. She knew Albus was in there, but still she worried when the alarm had gone off.

Seeing Harry in Albus's arms, she shared a look with the man and then left to retrieve something to help Harry calm down. When she returned, she gently stroked back Harry's hair and put the vial up to the boy's mouth.

"Can you drink this for me Harry? If you don't calm down you're going to make yourself sick."

Harry hiccuped and looked with tears flowing down his face at the nurse. Through blurry eyes, he saw the potion and opened his mouth when it was pressed against his lips to let the potion flow in.

"That's it Harry."

Just a few seconds after Harry gulped down the potion his crying changed drastically. Tears were still flowing freely, but the desperation behind them was gone. And then after a few minutes more Harry was just down to hiccuping every so often.

Albus just held him and tried to soothe the poor boy as much as he could. Severus had been right, as he always was.

Sighing Albus gently pulled Harry away from his shoulder so he could look at him in the eyes. Gently he took a washcloth and wiped the rest of the tears away, ignoring the flinch that came with the touch.

"Obviously, we need to talk." Albus gave the boy a slight smile and Harry returned it tentatively. "But, let's get you back in the bath and then into warm clothes first. Alright? "

Harry gave a small shaky nod, but then rested his head back on Albus's shoulder. Smiling Albus reached up and stroked back Harry's hair. "Or we can sit here for a few minutes first."

Poppy smiled and brought a towel over to drape over Harry's back.

The two sat there for a while. Thoughts flowing through both their minds, but the thoughts couldn't be any more different. Albus couldn't help looking down at his child and thinking of just how hurt he was. And Harry, his emotions were a mess. A large part of him was enjoying the closeness his Headmaster was giving him, but a small part of his brain was telling he wasn't worthy of this comfort, that a freak like him didn't deserve any kindness.

Eventually Harry calmed down and Albus pulled him back and gently wiped the tears from his face. "Are you ready to hop back in the bath tub? "

Harry gave a tiny nod, making Albus show him a smile. "Alright then, Poppy could you give us some privacy? "

The nurse nodded and then ducked out of the room, but not before leaving a small jar of cream on the counter and a nod to Albus. As soon as she left Harry visibly relaxed. He knew he had nothing to fear of the nurse, but he still didn't like her seeing him like this. In fact, he didn't like anyone seeing him like this, but he knew Dumbledore wasn't going to leave him alone.

Gently Albus removed the towel from Harry's back and then stood him up on unsteady feet. The man was very careful to keep a strong hand on the boy's arm so he wouldn't fall over as he led him over to the bathtub and then helped him inside.

When Harry laid down and the pillow was sitting comfortably behind his head Albus sat on the side of the tub and smiled gently down at the boy. When he had walked over to the tub he had snatched the jar of cream from the counter so now he opened the jar and took a liberal amount out. Smiling he nodded at Harry as if asking for permission and the boy slowly looked down nodding as well.

Tenderly Albus reached down and smeared the cream over the scar that ran from the top of Harry's ear all the way down to the bottom of his chin. Albus smiled at the boy as he smoothed the cream into his skin. "This should fade the scar so it is barely visible, it may take another application though. Madam Pomfrey was very nice giving this to you, I believe it is quite expensive."

Harry looked up at his Headmaster. "Expensive?"

Albus nodded. "I believe it is because it takes a very experienced potion master to create it, and there are only a handful who know how to make it."

The boy looked down ashamed and wondered in his head how to pay the kind nurse back. He had his vault at Gringotts, but he only had enough to cover his school fees for the rest of his schooling...he didn't have anything after that. He didn't even have enough for pocket money.

The old wizard saw Harry's internal struggle and frowned. "It is very fortunate that our Professor Snape is one of these skilled potion masters."

Harry loped up and Albus removed his hand and smiled at the boy. "You see, he makes this for Poppy every few weeks so she has a fresh supply for students like you."

Harry looked down again still resolved to try and pay the woman back somehow and now Professor Snape as well. He kept thinking about it too until Albus spoke up shaking him from his pensive state.

"I have a question for you Harry. I know this is soon for me to ask this, but have you given any thought to who you would like to stay with this summer? If you haven't that's fine, I'm just a curious old man."

Harry looked down at the freshly warmed water and shook his head. Who would want him after all?

"May I throw some options out there for you Harry? "

The boy looked up curiously and nodded. Was his Headmaster really serious about him not having to go back to the Dursley's? He thought he would never se the day he didn't have to go back to that place.

"I would have normally suggested Remus, because he loves you like his own, but his wolf has been a little unstable lately. So right now, I would recommend that you would consider either staying with Kingsley, Professor McGonagall, or Professor Snape."

Harry looked down again and considered his options. He had met Kingsley a few times and quite liked being around the man, but he still didn't know him that well. Then Professor McGonagall, he didn't think he would want to live with a woman...no offense to her...its just he didn't think he would be comfortable. Snape, was the only other option...but didn't the man hate him? ….his thoughts then drifted back to the short time he had just spent with the man. Strangely, he had felt comfortable in the man's arms and comforted... even when he had picked him up and scolded him in the forest. Would the man mind him around? Harry mentally shook his head, though, of course he wouldn't.

Even with those thoughts, Harry looked up hopefully at the man before him. He could at least try, right? "Professor Snape?"

Gently Albus smiled down at the boy. "Is that a question or answer Harry? "

Harry looked down and made a move to turn over to look at the wall, but Albus stopped him with a gentle hand on the shoulder. "I'm just teasing you Harry. I think Severus would make an excellent guardian for you."

Harry blushed and nodded.

Smiling Albus took a clean washcloth from the shelf beside him and handed it to the boy. "Make sure you wash up nice and good Harry and don't forget to use soap!"

Harry quickly washed up under the watchful eye of his Headmaster and while he would never admit it, he kind of liked being taken care of like this. He had never had an adult make sure he was clean before. His Aunt had just stuck up her nose at him and let him smell when he was young. It wasn't until he was at least six before he had a proper bath and that was at school when the nurse said she couldn't stand him smelling like that anymore, but she had just filled the tub and left him alone in the bathroom not really sure what to do. Eventually, he had figured it out, but still he wished she had stayed behind and helped him...maybe then she would have seen the scars.

When the half an hour of soaking was over Albus gently helped a tired Harry out of the bath and into a warm fluffy towel. The man then took the pajamas and shorts the nurse had left on the counter and placed them on the closed toilet seat so Harry could reach them easier.

"I'll give you some privacy now Harry, but I want you to call me if you need any help. I"ll be right outside the door."

Harry gave a small nod and then watched as the man left the room and closed the door behind him. Sighing the boy dried off as best as he could and then grabbed the shorts that were on top of the pile.

Tiredly he replaced the new shorts with the wet ones and then leaned against the counter and closed his eyes. Why was he so tired?

Gaining his footing again, Harry slipped on the pajama pants and then the shirt, but he had to sit down on the closed toilet seat before he could button up the top because he didn't want to fall down. Leaning back Harry rested his head on the wall behind him and closed his eyes.

A moment later, Harry felt gentle hands buttoning up his top and then picking him up and carrying him somewhere. He didn't care though. All he knew was that he wanted to sleep.

Gently Albus placed the boy down underneath the sheets on the bed. Taking the boy's glasses and setting them on the bedside table Albus pulled the sheets up and then took a place on the edge of the bed.

"You're such a good boy Harry. Sleep well Child."

Reaching up Albus brushed back Harry's hair from his forehead gently and then got up. He had things to do, and one of those was making sure Severus would take the boy in. He was really the only safe option for the boy after the Dursley's, but that option was out of the picture.


End file.
